Taking a break from the fetish community. I haven't lost the desires, and I am not purging my toys as some often do, but I've had far too many negative experiences with self-proclaimed "dominant" men lately. I might still attend queer orientated events, but I'm not doing this thing with cis-men anymore. They just aren't my thing and I'm starting to realize that just because I enjoy "hetero" sex, doesn't mean it has to involve men.
Need to change my life...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Thursday, July 28, 2011
And it goes on and on and on...
My journey just keeps moving forward, sometimes faster than I can keep up. I try to remember to update this blog, but it falls by the wayside as my life sweeps my feet out from under me and carries me on the current. My first weekend with Master J and Lady H went spectactular, so much so that I am now serving as their submissive. The photo shoot had its ups and downs but overall, I think it went really well and can't wait to see how my return to porn is recieved :)
I'm on my way back to see them this weekend and can't wait. I feel an odd sense of safety around them, like I can be myself, I can relax and know that they aren't going to think I'm a total nut. The only downside is that I won't be seeing them again until after my sister is married in September, there just won't be any time. I'm exited to see my little sister married, but it's a shame that I have to wait that long until I see them again.
Dahlia is growing bigger, and I recently upgraded her to a larger tank which she immediately explored. If snakes had expressions, I'd say she was delighted. I've got her in proper lighting too and you can tell it's had a profound effect on her as she's wandering around her tank every night and seems much more content with her surroundings. It makes me happy. The cats have rediscovered her now that she's left her temporary home in my closet, but a couple squirt bottle spritzes have stopped them from trying to climb on the tank. My kitties are so good :)
Anyways, on the ferry right now, pondering how lonely the ocean is. Talk soon :)
I'm on my way back to see them this weekend and can't wait. I feel an odd sense of safety around them, like I can be myself, I can relax and know that they aren't going to think I'm a total nut. The only downside is that I won't be seeing them again until after my sister is married in September, there just won't be any time. I'm exited to see my little sister married, but it's a shame that I have to wait that long until I see them again.
Dahlia is growing bigger, and I recently upgraded her to a larger tank which she immediately explored. If snakes had expressions, I'd say she was delighted. I've got her in proper lighting too and you can tell it's had a profound effect on her as she's wandering around her tank every night and seems much more content with her surroundings. It makes me happy. The cats have rediscovered her now that she's left her temporary home in my closet, but a couple squirt bottle spritzes have stopped them from trying to climb on the tank. My kitties are so good :)
Anyways, on the ferry right now, pondering how lonely the ocean is. Talk soon :)
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Days go by...
Things are looking up these days, something I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to say. I'm doing my first photoshoot as a model in over two years, with a couple from the Island that I'm meeting this weekend, and then modeling for at the end of July. It's a very cool fairy tale inspired shoot, and I'm super excited to be a part of it.
I'm also (potentially) going to be submitting to them - I told Master J that I was putting myself in their capable hands and that they could decide what would or would not happen. I'm torn between paralyzing fear and crazy excitement, which is a pretty wild combination that leaves me somewhat damp and squirming. We shall see how everything goes.
I have photographed Delilah Diabolic again and she has a very promising career in burlesque, she had a really rough show, but if you didn't know how she rehearsed her routine, you'd never have known, she held herself together great. It was her first paid gig which had her over the moon happy. She did spectacular and I'm so proud to be following her career as her "official" photographer.
This blog might be moving soon! I'm looking at potentially registering the domain name and linking it up to my hosting site once I've got a stronger grasp on wordpress. I'm learning it right now as part of my "real" job as a marketing assistant and digital media person so we'll see how that goes.
Anyways, I must be off. Love and perverted kisses to all.
Subversion is the key,
K
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
A year!
I can't believe it's been over a year since I last posted in this blog! Since last year, I've seperated from J and begun my journey back to kink and polyamory as a happier and emotionally healthier human being. Things are so different these days. I dropped out of college in August and spent six months job hunting until I finally started work in February of this year. I'm in reception and marketing at a custom timber frame housing company and love my job.I also finally moved out for what is hopefully the last time. I found a cute little suite in Aldergrove, not far from work and I bike to and from work every day which has resulted in an hour of cardio. Will know next week if it's doing anything as I only just started biking on a regular basis.
I got my learners in June last year and am nearly at the end of it. After I return from a trip to Edmonton to see my friends, I'll be allowed to take my N and see if I can drive all by my lonesome.
My photography isn't paying the bills yet, but I've been doing so much of it, that I'm really not worried. I just donated a $250 photo package to the BC Children's Hospital silent auction at the Royal Bank, and I've been out at events all over Vancouver, I got to watch and photograph the Terminal City Roller Girl's All-Star bout against Portland's Heartless Heathers (where they decimated the Heartless Heathers 170-58. I love my roller girls)
I also got to participate in the first Slut Walk in Vancouver this year It was inspirational to hear the rousing speeches and watch as 2000 people grouped together to walk for the rights of rape victims. Signs like "Respect is sexy" "I'm wearing my "Rape Me" socks" and "I take No for an answer" filled the streets and the Vancouver Police did an admirable job protecting walkers, riding around on motorcycles and stopping traffic to allow us to pass.
That's all for today's updates.
Subversion is the key,
K
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sorting Life...
I'm working my way bit by bit through life these days. I was sick for two weeks and have only been back at school for a week. But the point is I'M HERE! I missed school - daytime televsion is the pits!
Both litters of kittens my cat studded for have been born. Four each, and all eight have opened their eyes. There's two really sweet white ones, two dark tabbys, three black, and one - for some reason - orange. They are super sweet. Puff, my ex's cat, has moved her kittens under the bed now that they are moving around. Boobs' kittens aren't moving as much yet. No walking at least. Mum has said that I can have one, bringing the total of cats in our once cat-free house to two. Hopefully I will move downstairs soon and then, who knows.
I'm getting my tattoo worked on today. It's been almost a year since I started it, and I'm stoked to get more work done finally. I'll post pictures soon!
Anyways, off I dash. Must pay attention to class.
-K
Both litters of kittens my cat studded for have been born. Four each, and all eight have opened their eyes. There's two really sweet white ones, two dark tabbys, three black, and one - for some reason - orange. They are super sweet. Puff, my ex's cat, has moved her kittens under the bed now that they are moving around. Boobs' kittens aren't moving as much yet. No walking at least. Mum has said that I can have one, bringing the total of cats in our once cat-free house to two. Hopefully I will move downstairs soon and then, who knows.
I'm getting my tattoo worked on today. It's been almost a year since I started it, and I'm stoked to get more work done finally. I'll post pictures soon!
Anyways, off I dash. Must pay attention to class.
-K
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Lost
You're walking through my thoughts,
Running through my dreams
And all at once I have to wonder
If anything is what it seems
If the choice I made
On that cool winter night
Was the thing to make me happy
The thing to make it right
What I thought would happen
The reason I went away
Has been growing colder
Cannot be kept at bay
So I sit here thinking
Of all that we did share
I wonder if you still love me
I wonder if you care
Or is it too late...
Running through my dreams
And all at once I have to wonder
If anything is what it seems
If the choice I made
On that cool winter night
Was the thing to make me happy
The thing to make it right
What I thought would happen
The reason I went away
Has been growing colder
Cannot be kept at bay
So I sit here thinking
Of all that we did share
I wonder if you still love me
I wonder if you care
Or is it too late...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
T-minus six days...
In six days I leave this life that I've discovered in Edmonton, leave the girl I fall for a little more each day and hope for the best as I fly back into BC. The girl I'm with is flying back with me for a week and I'm bringing my cat with me as well. Some parts of Edmonton will come with me... but still, it feels a little off. I was just getting comfortable with this whole Edmonton thing, just starting to settle and I'm uprooting again, completely of my own choice.
I picked up my cat from my old apartment today, I just can't bear to leave him there any longer. Pretty much everytime I go down there, there's no food or water and the litter box is a mess. It worries me. It's much more comforting to watch him being chased around by my roommate's 5 month old kitten. Very cute.
What am I going to do when I get back to BC? I'm still trying to figure out what's going on at my school and I've given up emailing them since it wasn't producing results. However, I am going down there when I get back and whining at Christa until she tells me what's happening with me completeing classes.
Wish me luck...
Subversion is the key.
-K
I picked up my cat from my old apartment today, I just can't bear to leave him there any longer. Pretty much everytime I go down there, there's no food or water and the litter box is a mess. It worries me. It's much more comforting to watch him being chased around by my roommate's 5 month old kitten. Very cute.
What am I going to do when I get back to BC? I'm still trying to figure out what's going on at my school and I've given up emailing them since it wasn't producing results. However, I am going down there when I get back and whining at Christa until she tells me what's happening with me completeing classes.
Wish me luck...
Subversion is the key.
-K
Monday, January 18, 2010
Can't stay mad...
... when she looks at me, cuddles up to me. I'm frustrated and I try to stay angry but she snuggles up against me, nibbles at my neck. She's just so darn cute that I smile and laugh with her and everything's alright again.
And the sex is great...
Subversion is the key.
-K
And the sex is great...
Subversion is the key.
-K
Saturday, January 16, 2010
My Sweet Love...
Had a fantastic night with my lady fair. Went to the library and learned tons about counterinsurgency while searching for books for a project she's working on. She didn't have time to head down before they closed, so I got to help out ^.^ I found her tons of resources and am quite pleased with what I picked out. She seems to be too.
Came to her house after going home to shower, shave and put on some make up, and had a great dinner - gotta love a woman who can cook AND work on cars - and a great time afterwards lol. I think it was some of the best sex we've had so far. I'm off this weekend and plan to fill my time with flea market hunting, clubbing and hopefully more mind-blowing sex ^.^
Subversion is the key.
-K
Came to her house after going home to shower, shave and put on some make up, and had a great dinner - gotta love a woman who can cook AND work on cars - and a great time afterwards lol. I think it was some of the best sex we've had so far. I'm off this weekend and plan to fill my time with flea market hunting, clubbing and hopefully more mind-blowing sex ^.^
Subversion is the key.
-K
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New look, New Year...
If anyone still reads this thing, you may have noticed a change in scenery. One can only handle the same layout for so long and this one got sick of that old layout. So, out with the old, in with the new. And the news.
I've been off citalopram for almost a month now. I'm struggling a little, trying to keep away that dark place that chased me into the land of pills, but for the most part am doing ok. That fact is mostly due to the support of an incredible new person in my life. When I moved to Edmonton, I kind of expected to date my girl and not get too close to anyone else. I knew I had to come back for school and I was scared to lose people. Instead, I found an amazing woman who's journey to get where she is inspires me every day.
I finally got a new camera, a Nikon D200. Not a brand new camera, not the highest in it's class, but a damned good camera as the case may be and I'm fairly impressed with it so far. I need to get out and do a good shoot with it, see how it compares to my old D60, and start saving for a D700. (Of course, by the time I've done that, there will be a newer, shinier version to purchase for twice the price and it will be passe.)
I'm losing weight - my favorite belt actually hangs on my hips again, and not even at the furthest hole, but instead, two in, and resting more comfortably than when it was at the last hole. I don't see a big differance when I look in the mirror, but my clothes whisper that I am indeed shrinking.
At the moment, no more news, because it's 4am and there is a beautiful woman sleeping in bed waiting for me to get sleepy and come cuddle her.
Subversion is the key...
-K
I've been off citalopram for almost a month now. I'm struggling a little, trying to keep away that dark place that chased me into the land of pills, but for the most part am doing ok. That fact is mostly due to the support of an incredible new person in my life. When I moved to Edmonton, I kind of expected to date my girl and not get too close to anyone else. I knew I had to come back for school and I was scared to lose people. Instead, I found an amazing woman who's journey to get where she is inspires me every day.
I finally got a new camera, a Nikon D200. Not a brand new camera, not the highest in it's class, but a damned good camera as the case may be and I'm fairly impressed with it so far. I need to get out and do a good shoot with it, see how it compares to my old D60, and start saving for a D700. (Of course, by the time I've done that, there will be a newer, shinier version to purchase for twice the price and it will be passe.)
I'm losing weight - my favorite belt actually hangs on my hips again, and not even at the furthest hole, but instead, two in, and resting more comfortably than when it was at the last hole. I don't see a big differance when I look in the mirror, but my clothes whisper that I am indeed shrinking.
At the moment, no more news, because it's 4am and there is a beautiful woman sleeping in bed waiting for me to get sleepy and come cuddle her.
Subversion is the key...
-K
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Misery made beautiful...
I'm nervous. I'm excited.
I'm a thousand things, and one of them...
I'm a thousand things, and one of them...
...is disappointment.
She didn't fight for me.
She just let me go.
Let me walk into the dragon's lair
and have the great creature strip me bare,
tear me to pieces and leave me aching and wanting...
...more
I wander this night
Back to the dominance
That brings me peace.
And yet...
Why does the one I love treat it
With such...
Indifferance
Is it possible... that the young one
has already won her...
heart?
I can't think of it... I won't
And so the dragon I go
To forget...
to breath...
to live...
To feel her lash my flesh...
...and be reborn into peace
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Organizing....
So I'm working on getting my blog organized into something that people might actually read. I'm going to be doing alot of fetish photography once I get my equipment replaced and I've been doing some neat bondage crafts that I'll post photos of. When my credit card is paid down, I'm going to register bondageandbodypaint.com for blog and personal photography purposes. Will set it up with a flash gallery for people to look at when they are reading my blog.
Then to get my business site set up - existentialphotographer.com
Wish me luck.
Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel.
Then to get my business site set up - existentialphotographer.com
Wish me luck.
Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel.
Lost in this world...
I'm still discovering who I am here in Edmonton. It's been a difficult process, made no less difficult by my recent illness and my own insecurities.
Almost 2 years ago I got out of a particularily bad open relationship. Prior to that I'd been in a very successful open relationship that left me very comfortable with my own polyamorous-ness. It had been short lived but a good learning experience and the couple that I was dating was wonderful. Then I met D and had an explosively bad relationship that ended with him leaving me for the other person in our relationship. With how badly that went and how badly it ended, only a great deal of love for my current partner had me entering a relationship with her, because she's already seeing a trans-woman here in Edmonton. I knew that moving out here, but it's still hard for me to see her leave me for the night and go to her tgirl.
It was especially hard the time she left for two nights - that's what D did the night before he dumped me. I'm fighting hard against my own issues, I love her so much and I have to trust that she's going to come home to me, that she does love me back.
We've taken a young woman under our wing, a very cute 18 year old submissive that reminds me of me when I dated Katt and Wolfe. A few weeks ago we did a needle play scene with her that was very very hot. She can take ALOT of pain which is sexy as hell. I miss being able to take that kind of pain and I want to work on getting back to it.
I'm struggling with my job right now. Of six pay cheques, I've been shorted on 5 of them. It's very frustrating and I'm seeking new employment to try and deal with the money issues. I've never been paid more than 60 hours which I'm beginning to suspect is a 7-11 conspiracy against their employees.
I'm so lost in this dEdmonton world and I'm trying so hard to find myself, to find out what my path is...
Somebody please shine a light for me...
Help me see...
Love and Kisses
Andro Angel
Almost 2 years ago I got out of a particularily bad open relationship. Prior to that I'd been in a very successful open relationship that left me very comfortable with my own polyamorous-ness. It had been short lived but a good learning experience and the couple that I was dating was wonderful. Then I met D and had an explosively bad relationship that ended with him leaving me for the other person in our relationship. With how badly that went and how badly it ended, only a great deal of love for my current partner had me entering a relationship with her, because she's already seeing a trans-woman here in Edmonton. I knew that moving out here, but it's still hard for me to see her leave me for the night and go to her tgirl.
It was especially hard the time she left for two nights - that's what D did the night before he dumped me. I'm fighting hard against my own issues, I love her so much and I have to trust that she's going to come home to me, that she does love me back.
We've taken a young woman under our wing, a very cute 18 year old submissive that reminds me of me when I dated Katt and Wolfe. A few weeks ago we did a needle play scene with her that was very very hot. She can take ALOT of pain which is sexy as hell. I miss being able to take that kind of pain and I want to work on getting back to it.
I'm struggling with my job right now. Of six pay cheques, I've been shorted on 5 of them. It's very frustrating and I'm seeking new employment to try and deal with the money issues. I've never been paid more than 60 hours which I'm beginning to suspect is a 7-11 conspiracy against their employees.
I'm so lost in this dEdmonton world and I'm trying so hard to find myself, to find out what my path is...
Somebody please shine a light for me...
Help me see...
Love and Kisses
Andro Angel
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Sleepless
You're asleep in the bedroom. While I wander naked through our apartment, head spinning, limbs shaking, desperate to fall under the same Sandman spell that holds you. Too many thoughts in this head of mine that drag me from the warmth and love of your arms into the cold chill of our night filled home. Too much darkness that has haunted me, that nips at my heels and threatens to destroy the happiness I have found.
I never want to feel that way again... that dark awful state that had me locked away, that leaves me dosed up on medication to keep me sane. I want you to be the only thing that I need to keep me sane, but I know what it was like before the medication. B.M. The awful days when nothing seemed right, nothing seemed safe and my own mind was something to run screaming from.
Will you care for me if the darkness takes over? If I fall once more into the blackened pit of my mind and get lost in the horror of my own insanity...
I never want to feel that way again... that dark awful state that had me locked away, that leaves me dosed up on medication to keep me sane. I want you to be the only thing that I need to keep me sane, but I know what it was like before the medication. B.M. The awful days when nothing seemed right, nothing seemed safe and my own mind was something to run screaming from.
Will you care for me if the darkness takes over? If I fall once more into the blackened pit of my mind and get lost in the horror of my own insanity...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Money money money...
Paycheque to-dos:
Buy bus ticket to Edmonton: $129.00
Pay Ashley back: $10.00
Payment on phone bill: $100.00
Buy Gym pass: $27.50
Total: $266.50
I get one more paycheque before I leave for Edmonton and hopefully I will have my credit card organized by the end of this week. Am looking forward to this trip more than I can say - saying goodbye to Har today was painful and it's eased a little knowing that it's not going to even be a month before I get to see her again.
Love and Kisses,
Angel
Buy bus ticket to Edmonton: $129.00
Pay Ashley back: $10.00
Payment on phone bill: $100.00
Buy Gym pass: $27.50
Total: $266.50
I get one more paycheque before I leave for Edmonton and hopefully I will have my credit card organized by the end of this week. Am looking forward to this trip more than I can say - saying goodbye to Har today was painful and it's eased a little knowing that it's not going to even be a month before I get to see her again.
Love and Kisses,
Angel
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Complications
I've been struggling alot with my mental and physical health this year. It's been a rough year and everytime I turn around my body is rebelling against me just to make things harder.
I've been trying to make sure that I spend lots of time around people I feel safe with. I need the physical contact, it keeps me grounded. I worry alot that I'm going to overwhelm people, but not being around people leaves me feeling lost. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to drive people away.
Luckily, I have one person who lives right around the corner from me and is more than ok with being a cuddle-buddy. And my lovely lady is in town this week, got to spend lots of cuddle and play time with her on Monday night. I'm all marked up from our play time *giggles* and have other lovely marks from my cuddle-buddy. I can't really call him a f*ck buddy because we haven't been that far yet. *shrugs* We'll see.
Love and Kisses,
Angel
I've been trying to make sure that I spend lots of time around people I feel safe with. I need the physical contact, it keeps me grounded. I worry alot that I'm going to overwhelm people, but not being around people leaves me feeling lost. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to drive people away.
Luckily, I have one person who lives right around the corner from me and is more than ok with being a cuddle-buddy. And my lovely lady is in town this week, got to spend lots of cuddle and play time with her on Monday night. I'm all marked up from our play time *giggles* and have other lovely marks from my cuddle-buddy. I can't really call him a f*ck buddy because we haven't been that far yet. *shrugs* We'll see.
Love and Kisses,
Angel
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Never-never Land
I’m beginning to feel like this is never going to happen. I was doing ok when I first started school, especially since we had only lost John a month earlier, and then I had that break down and was in the hospital for a week, and ever since I barely have the will to get out of bed in the morning.
I dropped another huge handful of goals today because everytime I looked at the list I got so overwhelmed. There’s so much I told myself I could do when I started here and now almost everything centers around getting better. Losing weight, exercising, sleeping better, getting over things… nothing but steps towards my mental health improving. If it ever does.
See more progress on: Beat my depression
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Pink Hair, Parties and Photographs...
So I've been up to quite alot the last few weeks. I've been photographing up a storm for school and for my own personal amusement, I've dyed my hair pink (again lol) and fought with my own will to grow it long again.
I'm also in the process of planning a huge 21st birthday party for this saturday. We've spent alot of time cleaning up the yard and house, quite alot of things that needed to be done anyways but we'd gotten behind on after my stepfather died. It's going to be super pretty - I'm having a masquerade party in our backyard, we're going to set up lights and have a barbeque. I've ordered two differant sized cakes from Save-On and we're going to tier them when we pick them up on Saturday, then line the edges and add the mask to the top.
I bought my own mask for the party today, it's a spiraled metal mask from Dressew with big spirals coming up the sides. I'm stoked!
And now... photos!
Bound by Duty: Connor at a Black Parade meeting prior to the Surrey Pride show
Perfect Simplicity: Dayel, little sister of a friend of mine for a Children and Family assignment.
"Hey... I can hear the ocean!": Photoshoot with Nemo and Euvie, just for fun.
Beauty Redefined: Euvie during the same photoshoot.
Love and Kisses,
I'm also in the process of planning a huge 21st birthday party for this saturday. We've spent alot of time cleaning up the yard and house, quite alot of things that needed to be done anyways but we'd gotten behind on after my stepfather died. It's going to be super pretty - I'm having a masquerade party in our backyard, we're going to set up lights and have a barbeque. I've ordered two differant sized cakes from Save-On and we're going to tier them when we pick them up on Saturday, then line the edges and add the mask to the top.
I bought my own mask for the party today, it's a spiraled metal mask from Dressew with big spirals coming up the sides. I'm stoked!
And now... photos!
Bound by Duty: Connor at a Black Parade meeting prior to the Surrey Pride show
Perfect Simplicity: Dayel, little sister of a friend of mine for a Children and Family assignment.
"Hey... I can hear the ocean!": Photoshoot with Nemo and Euvie, just for fun.
Beauty Redefined: Euvie during the same photoshoot.
Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Updates...
So I finally got my second tattoo. Curved script now runs across my collar, reading "There are those who give with pain, and that pain is their Baptism. It's flaking pretty bad on the left side ("with pain" and "Baptism" are looking like they'll need to be touched up alot) which sucks since I've been damn careful to take really good care of it. But I'm totally in love with it AND my tattoo artist. Will probably get all my font work done by him - I want to get my little sister's name on my left wrist above my "water" kanji, and "No Regrets" above the "fire" kanji on my right wrist, as well as the curling patterns around this tattoo and the matching wrist bands for my kanji.
In other news, I've started belly dancing again and holy pain and death! I thought I'd fall over, I'd forgotten how hard it was! And I have an amazing lady coming to visit in August - she's coming to Vancouver for pride the first of the month and I get to steal her for a whole day and night of her ten day visit, although I'm going to try very hard to steal her extra *evil grin*I'm working on something that I'm not going to talk too much about until the end of this semester at school and then I'll explain in full.
I cleaned my room tonight. Spent five hours just working my ass off and getting it done. I want it to look awsome for my lovely lady's visit, and for my birthday the week before she gets here. It's been such a nasty stressful thing for me to have this gross dirty room so it was nice to get it done. I'm doing my office tomorrow as well as tidying the bathroom. I just want my spaces to be livable. The house is finally looking livable again and Mum and I have just been working so hard to make it that way.
Anyways, I should head to bed.
Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel
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