So I need to get something off of my chest and hoping that someone reads this far into the godforsaken depths of the blog world and that they'll dispense some advice.
Five years ago I met someone who changed things. Tipped the balance in my life and altered it. Permanently. He recognized what I was, gave a name to the darker pleasures, the things that bring me pleasure. Opened up my eyes to a whole other world. The main issue is that he was with someone I was very good friends with. For three years we spent time as friends, careful. Too careful. Then he dropped out of my life. I don't know if it was because it was as hard for him as it was for me... or if the little things just took over. I was living on my own not long out of high school, he was with his girlfriend all the time... pardon me, fiance. All I know is that we weren't around each other much anymore.
Not long ago we started talking again. And tonight... we went for a walk. I met him at my old elementary school and he kissed me. This wouldn't be so shocking except that the closest we've ever come to kissing was one brief passing of a glow-stick mouth to mouth, Halloween 2003. I went for a hug and he grasped my chin and kissed me. And damn it if it wasn't everything I've hoped for these last five years. Something inside me woke up, something that felt like it had died almost a year ago when D left me. Suddenly, all over again, I'm longing for him. And that's wrong. His fiance was one of my closest friends in high school and just because we don't see each other anymore doesn't mean I should let this happen.
But every time I'm around him it matters less and less and my moral compass seems skewed, like it's trying to point a different direction. I want to hang onto my morals... but they were nearly crushed tonight under the weight of his lips and I don't know that they'll take much more pressure before they snap. Before I snap.
Help?
Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel
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