Dinner and shiny things...

WARNING: Content of this post is NOT pg. If you are a) under the age of eighteen or b) my mother please turn back now and protect your poor fragile minds. Thank you.

Aaanyways....

I have, over the past little while been cultivating a friendship with my ex's partner. My ex and I have reached a really good point where we can be friends again and he is with an incredible human being. I'm really happy for him and so proud to see how much he's grown. We both had a lot of growing to do when we were together and I think we've both come a long way. Moving on...

I have been getting to know his partner who just so happens to also be his top. A few days ago his partner who I'm going to simply dub "S" for the sake of not having to type "his partner" every other sentence, asked if I would like to come over Wednesday night so that they could cook me dinner. S happens to be a chef who works in a pretty top of the line kitchen. Like I'd say no to that kind of offer! Mmm... gourmet food. I agreed, since S has been quite adamant that I had to let them cook for me one day. Was NOT disappointed *drool* so freaking good. Cajun-ish style chicken w/ kous kous (is that how it's spelled) beans (some fancy kind that were actually half decent considoring I normally won't touch beans) with feta and some random saucey type things. Amazing! So tasty. My stomach is still orgasming from the joy of the yum.

We settled down to chat and listen to some music and really got to talk alot which was nice, got to learn alot about what makes S tick and the things that have formed who they are, and got to share alot about what makes me tick. Also got mauled by the attention whore cat, hehe.

The conversation comes around to S asking if I'd be interested in playing - not a board game folks, the kinky kind of play. Children and Mum abandon ship now if you haven't already - which is something I had previously expressed interest in. Of course, I forgot that I'd been chatting with S about how I wanted to try piercing play one day and lo and behold, what does S suggest...?

If you guessed peircing play, you win! If you didn't, you fail. Please leave. Heh.

Might I say peircing play... not a bad thing at all. I managed to sit through thirty needles, twenty in my arm - ten going down with one under each of those - and five on each side of the top part of my chest. I probably could have done more, but I tend to start to shake when the adrenaline kicks in and I think S was starting to get concerned. Shaking = not bad at all when it comes to me, but it does tend to worry Tops. Of course it didn't help that S kept smacking the pierced spots - hard - while the needles were still inserted. Needless to say, I have quite the aray of bruises. Twas much in the ways of fun. Especially when they started pulling the needles out - eek! I'm a bleeder, doesn't even matter if you do things like that gently and S wasn't being very gentle. Not that I minded. Got a few more whacks which had me completely blissed out. Holy woah. Took me forever to stop shaking and come down from outer space. I was gone, it was magnificent. It's been so long since I played that the needle play was about all I could do in one sitting, but I'm hoping for future play with S.

I think one of my favorite things is that S didn't treat me like I was going to break. Not every top, but a good chunk of them haven't been willing to take me to the edge and back, or they were more interested in sex than in s/m play which, to be honest, does it for me more than sex in alot of ways. I'm not as fragile as I look, and while S cheerfully tells me what a beautiful girl I am, how much they love how femmey I can be, how soft I am, they're also willing to push me, and they know I'm not going to break.

And when someone looks at you, completely clothed, with blood running down your arm and you still feel like the sexiest woman alive... well that's just a feeling that can't be replaced.

Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel.

In Loving Memory

It’s early, quarter to six
And I’m up, oh ungodly hour
But enjoying the peace and quiet
Until a voice shatters the silence

“You’re up, thank god,
Now I have someone to talk to”
I turn, see him and crack a smile
Because we’re on good terms again

These past few years
Have been love and hate
Between two people too much alike
To ever live together

So I’ve been in and out
And he’s been good and bad
But through it all
We’ve been friends

I mocked them for their meeting
Trapped in the digital world
An online relationship
Those never work out

And yet they proved me wrong
As one date turned to two
One month turned to six
And I finally led them down the aisle

He got me through
Those harsh Dad-less years
When I couldn’t bear to see
The one who made me

He stood by my mother
Through the scare of the c word
And the joy of the r word
And he loved her as much as he was able

My E.D. my stonewall
The times we conspired
To bring a smile to her face
To watch her eyes light up

His secret smile when
Mum just wasn’t specific enough
“Jordan don’t move your tent”
Well he didn’t, did he?

I’m too cheerful in the mornings
It’s always driven him nuts
But today he seems to want that
He seems at peace with the world

And because of all these things
I’m still smiling when I say
“Well I was hoping for some peace”
And he smiles back, and laughs

If I’d known it would be the last smile
I would have photographed it
Cherished it, treasured it
I would have done more to remember

If I had only known that morning
What I know today
I would have hugged him
And told him how much I loved him

No matter what.

Who am I?

I think we all come to a point where we begin to wonder who we are. Right now I am trying to remember who I am and I'm thinking that I've never really known. I know details but I don't know what the big picture that is "me" is.

I am Kieran, in heart if not in legalities. I am genderqueer and proud of it, a dyke and even more proud. I am friend and ally to the transgendered community.

I am damaged by things that were done to me, out of my control as far as I saw it at the time. I am a submissive with very occasional dominant tendancies, but never a Domme, only a top. I am a porn store clerk and a photographer, but I only get paid for doing one of those things. I am a member of the "monday morning clerk party" (what happens at clerk party, stays at clerk party) and the co-founder of a charity drag show.

I am a drag king named Seamus Again, and a queen named Faye Ramones. I'm a ballet dancer in the past and a belly dancer in the present. I am an avid reader of anything I can get my hands on, a game geek (even if I'm not very good at the games). I am a music nut, I can't listen to enough of it. I am a fan of all things morbid with a tendancy towards thinking they are cute.

I am a transit user only because I can't stand drivers and feel much safer when I'm in one of the biggest vehicles on the road reading a book.

I am a daughter, a sister and a friend.

And yet even with all that, I do not know who I am. I can tell you all the little details but cannot sum it up into one word. I think that this year is the year that I will discover it. I am twenty years old, I have so much time left to learn.

I think it's going to be a good journey.

Love and Kisses,
Andro Angel

2009 means...

2009 means finishing full time work at my favorite job to date after eight months and going on call. It means starting school in March to pursue my dreams. It means regular doctors appointments for the first time since I was a kid, and blood tests every six months. It means one year of the Kings for A Cause, and charity shows every month. It means the opera in January, Cradle of Filth in February and 21 years old in July. It means drinking in the states, and spending more time with my pretty bald lady.

2009 means forgetting the one that distracts me because I know I can never have them. It means moving on from petty issues and ignoring the fact that my step-dad will never change and no matter what he does, my mum will never leave him. It means creating a new life for myself out of the one I have instead of pretending everything's OK, or imagining things might be different one day. It means learning to love myself so that I can learn to love other people. It means letting go of the past so that I can touch people again, and let them touch me.

2009 means hope.